So, yeah, and just people are beginning to come in and out, so welcome to tonight's. Meditation and I think again as I've said before on this time, you know. I think that hopefully this is really proving important and valuable for people, because we are in, even, you know, it feels like we, we're we're sort of getting back into really difficult times again.
And although whenever we come on, I think this during this period, we've been reflecting and noticing that it, you know, it has felt really scary. But I think there's something different happening now, which is a lot of people are sort of more moving towards . You know, Becoming angry and cross with this really painful time that we're all having.
And it made me think of Marsha Leinen, who's a really wonderful human being who developed dialectical behavioural therapy. And one of the things she talked about is, you know, if a problem arises, a problem like COVID arises in our lives, we have 4 real choices. The first choice is we, we try and solve this problem.
Or we try and change the way we feel about it. The third one, which would always be mine, I think, is a sort of mixture of these which is accepted, and as, as we accept it, this helps us to change how we feel about it. Or we can make the situation worse by fighting it, becoming angry, coming across.
Finding ourselves in a difficult place. And unfortunately, the pandemic doesn't seem seem to be a problem that can be easily or quickly solved, and most of us aren't in a position to do that much about it, however, we can, as Marsha talks about, change how we feel about it by changing. Perhaps the way we're thinking, so, there is a bit of a push, and I, I do hear this on the telly quite at home, asking us to sort of change our attitude towards stuff.
So other than thinking, you know, I'm stuck at home or I'm spending more time doing this and more time doing that, what we need to be doing is thinking, you know, I'm really grateful to have this extra time to spend with my family, but that's not always true, you know. And I would actually say that this is almost a form of toxic positivity where we become encouraged to try and see everything through rose coloured glasses and trying to change all of our thoughts to try and be positive, and I just don't think that works because things are really hard right now and. Spending all this time sort of beating ourselves up because of the struggle to change our thoughts may paradoxically, I suppose, make it all worse.
So we can't solve the pandemic, we can't always change the way we feel about it. So I'm gonna suggest and the meditation we're looking at today is very much looking at, well, let's accept what it is and what it isn't. And just.
Acceptance, I suppose, asks us to acknowledge the world as it is, and to acknowledge the demands of this is the mindfulness, this present moment. And it's the act of sort of staying with that stuff and to radically accept is to acknowledge reality completely and totally body, heart and mind, to accept reality entirely. Is what makes this we call it a radical acceptance because it's not approval, and it's not giving in or giving up or resignation and acceptance also isn't necessarily agreement.
What it is is having the psychological flexibility to choose, you know, because if we try and deny the pandemic. You know, it, it that doesn't help at all. So we need to acknowledge And We need to be aware of the emotions that we've been suppressing, and because we've been suppressing them, they've just become bigger.
And so. Where we're left with, I think, and the one that's gonna work best for us is mindful acceptance. What we can do is recognise that you can.
Get better accepting these are the emotions that I'm having at the moment, because I'm right in the middle of this difficult situation. And these are the thoughts I'm having at the moment. And all of our struggles at the moment are all part of the way that we're just coping, within the context of these very.
Times I'm going to ask us to do something a bit different today before we move into our acceptance softening and allowing and trying to move towards greater acceptance today. I'm gonna ask us today to try turning your hands, resting them in your lap, and just turning them upwards, both hands upwards. To accept Get that sense of re accepting reality with the body, we call this willing hands, and it's essentially the physical position of hands, unclenched.
Arms facing up, fingers relaxed. By just sitting in this style, with your hands resting, your palms up, soft fingers, can really help, because this is an accepting physicality. What it says to our brain is, do you know I am just willing in this moment to sit with this and allow.
The other way that we can use our bodies to try and help with this is to use the, the wonderful mindfulness technique of the half smile, the mindful half smile. So, let's have a go. We've got our hands in the willing hands position.
And now let's just form a half smile with our lips. And if you were looking in a mirror now, not only would you be looking dignified. Your face would look serene.
So we probably haven't got access to a mirror, but just imagine. Find that sense, find that facial expression. Right.
You know, and half smiling isn't tensing or grinning or masking emotion at all. It's not about signalling to others, it's literally just communicating to your brain that you're practising acceptance. So when we combine this willing hands and the half smile of acceptance, it can really, really help.
And if we open our hearts. And we allow in some compassion and warmth for ourselves. Actually.
Practising acceptance with our bodies, with our hearts. Of course, our minds. And so if we can move ourselves into this position tonight.
Then let's see if we Can't really make the most. Right, meditation. So this is quite a long meditation, we have done it before, but it just felt like this is the right time.
For us to be Turning towards. So as we sit with our willing hands and our serene half smile. I think it's really lovely that we can't see each other because But there might be a few calls as we see each other's half smiles and that would be.
And so Let's begin the turning towards. OK. So let's just notice the support.
That we're receiving from Whatever it is we're sitting on. Pain Special attention to the sensations of support. Noticing how your feet.
I'm making Oh Oh yeah, but it did. Or the cushion Noticing how your arms and your hands resting. With willingness, willing hands.
Whether you're sitting Or lying Just allowing your weight. To just sink down through. The points of With the floor Or the child.
And wherever possible, Letting any tension. Just drain into the support. For the floor.
That's And as you're sitting here today on this Sunday evening, meditating. With that mindful heart smile. And our willing hands.
And that accepting her. Just letting go. Of those images.
Just feeling supported. By what And now and only now. Let's just notice that.
And let's be curious as to where you're feeling your breath most vividly. It's in my abdomen. It might be in your best.
Your nostrils. And let's focus on actually feeling the breath. Moving.
Concentrating on Awareness of the whole body. Expands just a little on. I know.
Just letting your breath. Be your breath. Knowing you're breathing just fine.
In a way it's rather like. Watching waves. When we're by the sea.
As we watched the Was go out and come back. And flow out again smoothing the sand. Come in And then I Brings the sea back up the shore.
And if we were doing this, we wouldn't demand. Where you go faster. Or slower.
We wouldn't try and make the waves bigger or smaller. We just enjoy. You know.
And in the same way. Let's find that acceptance and pleasure. Of just allowing the breath to be.
Just as it is willing hands. Mindful half smile. On the wall Of acceptance.
And in a moment, We're gonna turn towards the difficulties. That we're all experiencing during this difficult time. So It might be Physical difficult.
It might be A relationship issue that's a rising because of this difficult time, and maybe a misunderstanding or. Ma just about you and the way you're managing. And there is no wrong choice.
Let yourself get a sense of what it is you like to choose to work on tonight. As part of that. And just pick one of them or the big ones.
Just something that you'd like. Focus on that you'd like to be different. Once you found Your situation or your issue, let's give you a few more moments to do that.
Let's just see if we can Identify the feeling. Accompanying whatever is. Let's bring that mindful curiosity.
But maintain the mindful of mile. Maintaining the willing hands. So is that anger Can you find fear?
In confusion. And rather than saying I'm angry or I'm frustrated or I'm sad. Let's see how it feels.
I'm noticing something in me. That is Kind of angry or or. I'm noticing.
Frustration in me. I'm noticing the way. We're moving into our observing self, and we're noticing it, not imbuing it.
And this gives the feeling more room to move. And it helps us not then. Quite as much as we would otherwise.
And we're not labelling ourselves as angry people or. Fearful people or frustrated people. Man Accepting and making aware.
That these feelings are there. That's it. As you say this.
Something in me I Annoying, sad. Doubting, cross, sadness, as we say whatever we say. Whatever best describe feeling.
To see if we can notice. Using our mind for half smile. Just scanning our body.
If there is a physical reaction to this. I'm getting a tightening. In my chest actually.
But look at the shoulders. The tummy. Whether there's aches or tightness or tension.
Or heat. Just see if you can find. Where this is showing up.
Physically. And with Difficult emotion. Or sensation.
We need to let our awareness. Just gently rest wherever we find. Yeah, let's say.
Allowing our willing hands. Mindful half smile to help us. Just allow this to be the way it is.
Without demanding that it be different. And noticing how normal response move away. To push away So without trying to soften them.
Just see if you could Soften your reaction to them. You might not like what you're eating. But is it possible to That this is what you're feeling right now.
And give yourself permission to feel it. Allow it to be there with kindness and gentleness. Recognising Something is present.
Doesn't necessarily mean that we like it. We are letting it in. We're just accepting.
And this, friends is softening. And allowing This is where we use our acceptance. Soften our reaction to the feeling.
Allowing that reaction to be there. Allowing that feeling. To be there.
As we soften our. Reaction to this difficulty. Try and see it as if we were.
Kind of with a child or someone we love who's in distress. And if that were the case Finding that same level of tenderness. And gentleness.
The other Deserving other If you like, Maybe just place your hand. Wherever that feeling was showing up. And then stay there for a moment.
Just recognising that. This would be difficult. And so we hold it without judgement.
And with kindness. As you do this, just be aware of. Whatever say sensation show up.
Knowing that we're just in kindness. Curiosity, warm thinking. To our exploration.
Now, without trying to put away the difficulty. Let's see if we can find. Somewhere in our life, where despite this dreadful pandemic.
Is that OK. Maybe even good. Maybe it's something or someone you're grateful for.
It could even be something as simple as Recording a smile. Or a kind word. Someone had for you recently.
And just notice as we Connect with that Pleasant Warm sensation. Just noticing. And you feel that.
Where that sits nearby. And if we Just sit with that. And we find that special feeling.
And we notice, you know, where we feel this most vivid. Maybe feeling warm in your heart or secureness in your. Softening of the face, the eyes.
Or aliveness in our limbs. And we Cos it's lovely. And When we're ready, Because we know you can come back to this.
Feeling of being great then. You may want to just check in with. That's stuff that we found earlier that was.
How does that feel now? As we revisitation. And we juxtapose it.
Pleasure and the Softening in the Happiness and the acceptance. That Moments in our lives when we were met with kindness. Seeing if you can do this gently.
Allowing the feelings. To be just as they are. But noticing that is difficult.
Feelings might change. And mine. When you're ready, go back to that.
No. A pleasant feeling. Once again, let's find out.
Our lovely hands. A willing hand and I lost my. Notice how it feels to be paying attention.
More pleasant, gentle stuff. And when you're ready, That's just Broaden our awareness like panning out with a wide angle lens. So that we hold the difficult.
And the stuff of life that we're grateful for, so wide. But there's enough space and room. Bye Without pushing away the difficult.
Or clinging to the present. The giants holding them back. Shifting to an even wider.
More inclusive perspective. Of acceptance. That includes both the pleasant.
And the unpleasant. Rolling your shoulders back to make more room. Including the entire body.
I'm moving wider still. To find that sense of place. Of freedom I'm just sitting there holding on to the.
Just holding on to this. Letting our awareness gradually return now. Just finding your body.
And how you are in this very moment. Noticing how it is to be you. With your body and your half smile and your weapon.
Just narrowing the focus. Just coming back, holding the difficulties. And the pleasures of life.
Holding them as though they were praying. Bringing gentleness and kindness to whatever it is we're feeling. Just holding yourself with.
And understanding. Mhm. Just allowing any.
Remaining discomfort or unease. To be soothed by that. Rhythm of the breath, the waves.
Come in And retreat back out. So when we're ready to come to the end of this soften and allowing Turning towards meditation. Just slowly open your eyes.
Let your attention move out. Taking in the sights, let's open our ears and. That's in sound.
Let's move and wiggle our fingers find sensation. Maybe gently moving your body. And reactivating that sense of being in the evening.
Just seeing if you can bring that fresh sense of curiosity. And openness. To all that you encounter.
On this Sunday evening. And taking that Wonderful life lesson. We don't need to push it.
We don't need to cling to anything either. We can just sit. And be mindfully wise.
And have both Together. And that's acceptance. Well done, everybody.
Quite a Quite a difficult meditation for some people that one, but we're we're we're experienced. I just kind of felt that. I think we need to use that sort of meditation.
We need to find this greater level of it. I think it's acceptance and mindfulness. That will bring us safely.
Through this very, very difficult time. Our attitude towards this difficult time. So I hope people found that to be.
A useful meditation tonight. And when we're ready, thank you all so much. We'll be back in a couple of weeks, please, everyone, do stay safe.
Look after yourselves. And as we did tonight, let's really try and grow and develop our. Mindful acceptance.
And be aware of the need to let go. Of Right. And to let both in.
And that the boat. And make space for it, but don't hold on to it. And good night to everybody.
And once again, thank you so much to Dawn for This one up again. And have a lovely week.