Good evening everybody. Lovely, nice to see you. Hello, hello.

Hope you're all doing well. So yeah, I can see people coming in and yep, it looks like everyone's muted this time, which is good. Got a few more of you coming in tonight.

OK, so, yeah, hello, hi. It's, it feels, I know we only missed sort of one week last week of webinars or Q&As, but it just feels like quite a long time. I think probably because I've actually been away away, rather than, here and working.

So I hope, for those of you that have children, if you were doing half term, that your half term week was OK. And also that you all stayed safe and right in the, the floods and the wind and the rain and the biblical weather. It's, we were in the, the worst hit bit where, Dennis had been in Wales, so we were actually we were up a mountain, but it was pretty hairy trying to get to anywhere.

So, right, just waiting while a couple more folk come in. Thank you for your questions. We've got 12 questions to work our way through tonight.

14 last time. So we'll try, I know last time we were about 1 hour and 40 minutes, I'm gonna try and kind of squid that time down if we can a little bit tonight. So, Cheryl, you're up first so I can see that you're in.

So we might just, just get cracking at you guys, so that we can try and keep as much as possible time. So don't forget to open up the chat box, make sure it's selected to everyone, and if there's anything as we go along that you want to ask, then just pop it in there. And, Richie's gonna keep an eye on the, the sound and visuals and make sure that you can see and hear me all right.

Oh, so, for everyone who's live on the call, thank you, Ali, you beat me to it. Could you just pop live or hashtag live, into the chat box and hit return so that Dawn knows you're on the call live. Thank you, thank you, so we can make sure that your CPD certification is up to date.

OK. Brilliant, thanks, everyone. That's good, lots of lives coming in.

Right, Cheryl, we're gonna kick off with you. So, Cheryl's question was, how do I start simplifying things? So, she says, in the life balance builder exercise, one of the prompts was, what's the biggest impediment to my success and happiness right now?

And she was saying she was finding that quite hard to answer overall, but it felt like the biggest impediment might be feeling just overwhelmed with the, how many things are going on and how complicated everything feels. And she was saying that I've mentioned in the webinar that I have a tendency to overcomplicate things and that I've worked on simplifying stuff, and did I have any guidance with this that I can share, which I will, yeah. Because she says sort of having so many things on the go, just means that no one thing gets the attention that it should and it just feels like she's spinning plates.

So she's got an idea of her breakthrough role and wanting to reduce the stress of earning an income with career development and reducing the stress around work. And she's also saying, and this is something that's come up from a few of you in the questions, how do I deal with the impatience that I can't just solve everything really quickly. So we'll, we'll cover that as well.

So thanks, Cheryl, it's a really good question. So I'm just very gonna quick, I've only got two slides within tonight, that Cheryl's question did just sort of remind me of something. So let me just pull up my PowerPoint.

. Which if you keep an eye out, just let, let me know if there's any problems seeing that. So some of you might have seen me talk about this before. I can't remember if I spoke about it in the welcome video, but, what I find that, so we've got sort of two different styles of, thinking.

Let me just check the chat box. Mm, make sure everyone can see oh that's just Gemma saying, thanks Gemma. So there's these two different styles of, of thinking, really, and we tend to be in one or the other sort of modes of thinking at any one time.

What's, feeling really overwhelmed, and when life is just really complicated and there's so much going on, certainly with, for myself, and I know with other people as well, it's really easy for that to then push us below the line with our thinking. So we can start to just feel like we don't have any choices, like we're stuck, that it's other people's fault, it's the fault of the practise or the industry or the profession. It's easy to just be able to see the problems with everything, but not really be able to see any any ways out and to be feeling frustrated or powerless or like you don't really know how to change stuff.

And feelings of failure and all that kind of thing. And they're not, they're not very great feelings. And what, what happens when we're in below the line thinking is we tend to stay stuck.

So I'm not saying that's where you are, Cheryl. I'm just saying that certainly overwhelmed can tilt a person to what and I find with me towards that thinking. So part of the solution with that is gradually starting to just take some really small actions to, to bring your thinking back up above the line again, which is looking at choices.

And knowing that when we have a lot of complexity and there's lots and lots and lots of things going on, although it sort of feels like that's just happening to us, it is actually as a result of choices that that we've made. And so being able to, sort of own that and then look at them and then think about where can I gradually over time start making some different choices and what's that bringing up for me, and what do I maybe need to work on or do the mindset work on or shift or release in order to feel like I can make a different choice. That's sort of starting to come back up above the line and having a little bit of hope that it's not always gonna be like this, being able to think about better ways.

And, and sometimes this takes help and support. So being in a group like this, having other people you can reach out to, carrying on with some form of coaching and mentoring afterwards are all really, really good ways to help keep yourself above the line and be looking for solutions. So in terms of, you know, guidance on what, how I've tried to uncomplicate or simplify things, let me just pop out of this for a second.

Is that, so there's been a couple of instances, really. The first where I can think of was, after I'd been at Vets now, I'd take, I'd taken the senior vet role, I'd been doing it for a year in the launch of a new clinic. It was just, I got thrown in the deep end completely.

We didn't have a team at all. I think I did 18 night shifts in a row at the beginning. I was trying to get the member practises on board, get my feet with the new, post practise, and get to grips with doing nights, and try and clinically run the clinic and learn how to be a leader and a manager.

And it, it, so after 12 months of that, I was feeling pretty burnt out. I liked the work, but I was totally burnt out and just feeling like everything was very complicated, really overwhelming. And so at that point, I had a few different options that I could choose, and one of them was to go and work part time for Pett Blood bank.

And that sort of meant a simplification in terms, really, because it, it wasn't full time hours, and that's something I'd never done before. And I wasn't sure how I could handle financially. It also, meant doing a different clinical area that I hadn't really stepped into as, as much before, but it gave me loads more time.

It, it, it removed a lot of the layers of complexity of what was feeling really, really overwhelming in my role, my current role. But in order to do that, I had to get past a few sort of gremlins and barriers in terms of, is it OK to do that? Can I financially survive it?

Will I be de-skilling myself? It wasn't a permanent thing, it was a temporary contract, so what's gonna happen, you know, there's a lot of uncertainty. And I think this is the thing that sometimes we hold on to the situation that we're in, even if it's very complex because there's a certain level of certainty that comes with it.

And we don't like it, but we know, we, we sort of know what's coming. And so sometimes it's easy to stay stuck and overwhelmed, then take a step that results in a simplification, but you don't know exactly where it's going and you don't know exactly what it's gonna lead to, and there's sort of uncertainty. But sometimes you need to step into that uncertainty and have the breathing space and the recovery time and all the things that come with simplification.

In order to be able to think more clearly, to bring your mood up, to work on staying above the line and, and all of those other things. Another example I can think of is when I was working really hard at Vet Dynamics, and I wanted to sort of contribute to the profession and give back and become more known in the local areas. So I'd signed up to, go on the BSAVA South West Committee.

And, I mean, it's not, it shouldn't really be hugely taxing. It is just organising a lot of local CBD events. But it was almost like that was one too many things on top of everything else that, you know, suddenly having that in as well, I just literally had no free time at all.

And, it, I was starting to feel a bit resentful towards the BSAVA stuff because it just, it just meant there was no space left. But it took me quite a long time before I realised that actually, that was the piece. I couldn't really stop doing my business.

I couldn't hand my child back. I looked at all the plates that I was spinning and I was like, well, I'm not contracted in, I don't have to do that. But the Shane gremlins were saying, you can't let people down, you're that you're a trusted member of the team.

And, you know, it's only organising a bit of CPD. Come on, man up. And, you know, lots of kind of, also, what will people think?

And what, what can I say? Just like, I don't want to do it anymore because I'm too busy and, you know, surely I should be superwoman. And so.

Often what stops us, often we do have options for simplification, but there are stories we're telling ourselves or barriers that we go, well, I can't do it because of that. And actually, yes, you can. It's a choice that you could make.

Look at what it's bringing up for you, and we're gonna do a lot of work around the, the, you know, how you deal with a limiting belief, how you deal with those sorts of, stories really, that are, that are not true, but that's what our brain, the fear that our brain sort of puts into us. So. So, what else did I think about with that one?

So yeah, it's definitely staying out of comparisonitis mode. This isn't, this is just about what's right for you at this stage. And like I say, as long as you're not dipping below the minimum amount financially that you could possibly survive on, anything else that's to do with what other people might think.

Shouldn't get a look in here because you can always re upscale, you can, you can, you know, a lot of times we think if I step away from that thing I might never be able to do it again or go back to it. That's usually categorically not true. And so it's about, you know, not feeling like everything is black and white.

But certainly when you've had, if you, you know, for any of you that have had challenges with anxiety or depression, when we're when we feel a bit stressed, we tend to go into very black and white catastrophising type thinking. And it's about trying to see the shades of grey and look at the, the, the stories, that you're telling yourself, there. So also, it's being aware of a sneaky, sometimes being really super busy and having lots of complexity, we covertly, we can sometimes continue to choose that because we don't really know what else to do.

So when you don't have a clear pathway or route or you perhaps you, Rich, I know you, you've got a question later about you've got a potential option, but there's a few fears in and you're not really sure about that. So when there are, when we're uncertain about what our other options might be, sometimes it's, it feels safer to go, well, actually, I'm just far too busy to think about it, and we can almost hide behind the complexity and the overwhelm, even though it doesn't feel very nice. And I'm sure there might be some of you on the call tonight that that recognise that.

So I guess this is about beware of any shoulds. Stay out of comparisonitis, start for to look at all of the different plates you're spinning and really, really ask yourself, is this absolutely life critical that I keep this and try and see if I forced you to give one up, which one would it be, and then start to look for ways of how you could, you know, when that comes to the end of whatever it is or whatever, how you could, Perhaps, step down from that or change it, or, or, or, and say, definitely not, definitely remembering to say no to anything new at the moment if you don't have the bandwidth. So it's about, you know, knowing how to say no as well.

And so in terms of also, when you have a, like, well, like, where I was saying, I have a tendency to overcomplicate things, once this was reflected to me by my own coach, and actually by a couple of coaches, to the point where I was like, OK, this isn't just one person saying it, therefore, it must be a thing. I now have an affirmation that I work with all the time, which is how can you, the easy solution will find me, and I ask myself every time I start to feel like, oh, that's complicated going stop, how can I make this easy? How can I simplify this?

How can I choose the minimum fuss, lowest input, it's not about not striving for excellence, but it's about also staying away from so much perfectionism that it it complicates stuff. So how can I make this easy? And just affirming that the easy solutions find me, I find easy solutions, and I work with that affirmation all the time, and it is starting to kick in for me now.

I'm guessing it's easier to, to believe there are easy solutions and then, and then look for them. So Cheryl, does that, does that give you a couple of bits in there? Good, OK, thank you.

Nicky, Nikki, are you on the call tonight? I can't remember whether she said she was or not. I know a few people have submitted questions but can't be.

So, Nikki says, I made a start on the career clarity exercise, but I'm really stuck with it. I'm struggling to think about what doesn't feel like work or what I could do for for hours apart from climbing a hill. She's been rolling it around in her head the last few days, nothing's getting any clearer, and she's just not sure how to approach it.

And she can't sort of see how to apply what her, her working element 4 and 5s that she's good at, she can't see how to apply them. So, Nikki, obviously, you and I spoke before at the start of the programme because you grabbed one of the, the, the bonus slots. So I was having a little look back through our notes from earlier as well.

So at the moment, part of this, I think, comes back to understanding the part of the process we're at at the moment, which is just gathering. Gathering the, the facts, the data and the evidence. And if there are any particular questions on that career clarity blueprint where you're just scratching your head a bit, or you're like, I can't, I can't, you know, it, it's so like with the works one, you can fill in your fours and fives.

You don't need to massively make sense of it at the moment, just get them down there. And you'll see on the career clarity blueprint, I've asked similar questions in slightly different ways because it might be that one version of that question is slightly easy to answer. Another one you just might be like, I don't know, and that's, and that's fine.

At this stage, it's remembering what we talked about in the masterclass, so we're not at this point trying to immediately put all these jigsaw pieces together and find that one definitive solution at at this point. We're just really looking for little elements, so, . The, the, the.

So it's thinking about time. It's sort of thinking back over your last three roles and thinking about times when you have felt happy or engaged. You know, particularly over the sort of the last 15 years since graduating, when it comes to being in the workplace.

So, when we spoke, you were talking about clinical work, and I remember asking you sort of what bits of the clinical work did you enjoy. So, with that you were enjoying, you were still enjoying consulting, you'd enjoy feline medicine, dealing with the clients and sort of being on the same page with them. So there was something about connecting with bonding with the clients there and going to CPD and feeling motivated.

So it would be thinking about. So it may not be that there's any aspects within those things that you think, yeah, I could do that for hours and hours, and that might be because clinical practise, first opinion vetting, isn't, you've not yet got into a role that's made you go, that's why I do my job. But if, if there aren't those moments of that's why I do my job, then just look for times when you have felt happy and engaged or motivated and looked, what were you doing?

So with the feline medicine. What was it about feline? So why feline medicine?

Why not canine medicine? Why not general medicine? What was it about the cats?

In, in, but thinking behind that in terms of, OK, well, why did that feel better? And just keep asking those whys. You're like peeling back layers each time to try and get to a value or an emotion or a feeling, because that's telling you what elements of a working environment or role feel really good to you.

So if you're struggling with the sort of how to think about what doesn't feel like work, maybe focus more at this stage on those sort of reversed questions with the desired conditions where, where I've asked you to to list out things you've really not enjoyed about your roles, rank them in order and then flip them to get your topmost desired, conditions. That might be a little bit of an easier one to sort of go for at the moment. .

At the da da da. Yeah, the desired conditions can really help, . And again, like I say, at the at the moment, you don't, your, your job at the moment is not necessarily, so if you, if you're looking at specific fours and fives and perhaps you chose problem solving and interpersonal and conceptualising.

Just at this stage, you don't need to be immediately looking at those and going, right, well, how can I fuse those, well, they don't really fuse into any particular career or job role. It it's sort of jumping at almost a few, a few steps ahead. So really it's, it's still about, you know, I remember after I'd done.

I felt like about 20 different psychometric profiling tests and I'd had my chat with the occupational psychologist and it was all really interesting, but I remember reading the report at the end and going, brilliant, really, really interesting, still haven't got a scooby what I wanna do. And, but creating that template and just starting to have a few elements that, you know, that, that you can look at, even if you can't document all of them at this stage. Means that, and this comes into the thing where there's a few of you saying kind of I feel impatient, I want to be taking action on it now.

It does require a level of patience. This is a process and often you have to gather these bits of data first and then. As I'm gonna teach you the process on Tuesday night next week for how to start looking for various different opportunities and researching them and, and exploring them and, you know, which ones to maybe take forward, to for further investigation.

And it's really, as you start to be doing the that process that I'm gonna teach you on Tuesday night. You have in the back of your mind the bits of this jigsaw piece that you have managed to collect so far, so don't stress if there's a couple of questions that you're just like, I don't know yet, that's fine. Circle back to them in a couple of modules' time, and if you're still stuck within the end then then flag that up to me, .

And we'll see. So, so I hope there's a couple of bits in there that, that help with that. And also see if Tuesday night's webinar helps.

And if you're still stuck on that, Nikki, and you're still scratching your head, then bring that up again, in the next, oh, hi, Nikki, you're there. Nikki, does that, does that help at all? Is there anything specific, and obviously if anyone, if you do want to, yeah, it makes sense.

OK. Good, right, Sophie, thanks, thanks Nicky. Sophie, I realised after the call last night that we missed part of your question from, from last time.

Sophie, are you here on the call live tonight? I can't remember. .

Sophie, yes, I'm here. Good. Sophie, are you wanting to chat via text or happy to talk, just let me know in case there's any bits I need to ask you.

So the second part of, Sophie's question from last time, was partly back to the value stuff of, not, it was kind of saying like, if you're considering other practises or other, other companies, how do you truly know what a company's values are? Because she's saying I felt she feels cautious after being a locum about jumping in, just text me, OK, so, . And getting into a company or another situation and then then realising once you're in, oh God, this isn't for me.

So she was saying, how common is it for vets to do work experience? Is this something that practises would be interested in, and, yeah, you're thinking about sort of, there's a few options that you're exploring at the moment, Sophie, and I know the second part of your question, which we'll come to in a second. There's almost a, you know, there's a lot of different options that you're looking at and including a geographical move as well.

And at the minute it's sort of like, well, how do I line them up, how do I choose between them? You've got your partner in a similar situation. So just to dip into the thing about how do you know what a company or practises values are, a few things there.

The first thing is you can ask them. So if they are pretty forward thinking, you know, if they're an independent practise and they've done any work with Vet dynamics, or if they're a corporate practise and they've had some HR support, then they very well well may have done the work to establish what their company values are, and they should be able to come back to you straight away and say, yes, this is what our values are. That's often quite a good sign.

It doesn't always necessarily mean they're living them, but the fact that they've thought enough and invested enough to work out what they feel their values are and what they'd like them to be. That's often a, a good sign. The next, the next sort of piece of that jigsaw puzzle is, well, are they living them?

And you're quite right, actually, that work experience is a great way, you know, work experience, the odd couple of locum shifts. I would, I used, used to advise this in both directions. So when I was, at that dynamics, and I was working with independent practise owners who were talking about recruiting, I would say to them, have that person in for a day, a half day, get them working with the team, get them out the back, give them a couple of cases.

So that you can, you know, see, see how they are, see, see what, if, if what, how they are when they show up, matches what they've said on their CV and in the interview. It's exactly the same the other way around. You know, Ben Sweeney talks at simply locums about try before you buy.

And obviously with the locuming, I, I'm guessing, Sophie, you'll have experienced that as well in terms of some locum placements where you might have gone right, never coming back here, and some way you're like, oh, maybe I could work for you. I don't know if you've experienced that, but yeah, so, so work experience and, and actually this ties into the, to the second part of your question. The other thing is, if you know any people that work at the practise, you aren't the boss, you can ask them as well in terms of what they really like to work for, or you could think of a few specific experiences in the past that have conflicted your values and then say, look, how does this practise handle this situation?

So there's a little bit of investigation. Yeah, definitely you've you've experienced that, absolutely. OK, so the second part of Sophie's question is, is, is, really useful and it actually mirrors what a couple of other questions we've got tonight as well.

. So she's saying both myself and my partner are in similar career situations, both considering a change, and have decided you want to move away for a fresh start. So you're feeling, Sophie's feeling torn between kind of charity vetting, maybe RSPCA, or switching completely to pig and poultry work. And Sophie, obviously you and I spoke a year ago, and at that point, I remember that that that interest in pig and poultry, and that's kind of what sparked your interest in animal welfare.

And I think if you registered for or are on some form of online animal welfare course at the moment, I believe as well, I think, . So, so they're two quite different things. I suppose staying a small animal and going into charity work or having a a sort of a, a semi-diversification jump in terms of species and type of practise, .

Obviously with the locu there's all the IR 35 degree pokery going on at the moment, which we're all just keeping tabs on, obviously. And you're stuck, you're saying you're stuck where you are until mid October when the tenancy ends. I actually think that's probably no bad thing, and I'll tell you why in a second.

And she's saying, currently our future is so open ended, it's really hard to know where to start, you know, do we pick the location and then build the jobs around the location? Or do we wait for the right job to come along? And if you're both looking at time, do you, who do you wait for first?

And any tips on how I can piece together a plan and what is best to focus on first, because having a blank diary for the second half of the year is, is feeling a bit, so, yeah, and that's fine. So let me just have a little look, . .

So yeah, so I actually think the fact that you almost can't move until the end, till mid October, is, is useful in the way that a lot of the fact-finding stuff that you're doing on this course is, is almost you still needing some of these bits of the, the jigsaw to be able to consider your options. If you think your partner would be willing, then I would suggest getting him to do some of the exercises as well, especially the value stuff, get him to do his own life balance wheel. And the, and the thing, some of the things like the desired conditions, the work elements, I mean, they're not veterinary specific at all.

They're relevant to anyone who's thinking of career changing. Yes, MSC in Edinburgh and welfare. I thought, I thought you were somewhere.

So see if you can get your partner to do that too. and also so that you can see between the pair of you where you looking especially at the values, where are you in alignment, and have you got any differing needs that need to be taken into account with the career moves and, and the location moves? I would say in terms of work experience, absolutely.

See if you can get yourself into the RSPCA or down to the Blue Cross, or, you know, any other type of charity work that you're thinking, thinking of doing. Now I know that this eats into holiday time, I know that it's, You know, it can suck up time, precious downtime that you would have been using for other things. And this is also one sometimes one of the realities of when you're making a transition is that occasionally it, it's, it's can sometimes almost add to the overwhelming complexity for a short period of time and it only, you need to make sure it is a short period of time before you make that step into something else.

Because sometimes, yeah, I, I've remembered in a couple of my diversification hops feeling almost like I have two full-time jobs for a very short period of time that is just about manageable. Because you do want to see, you know, I would be getting into, into a pig practise, into a poultry practise, just so that you can be in that environment, ask lots of questions, work out what your day to day would be like, look at the things that you've, that have felt like they were stagnating or not fulfilling in the small animal role. And just check to see how different is that in the ones that you're considering, and what are you more drawn towards, .

And then in terms of the move versus job. I think it would be good for you and your partner to be thinking about from a lifestyle perspective, what brings your life joy and meaning. So what sort of lifestyle and therefore what sort of living environment would feel really good.

So are you going to go urban or countryside or semi? Do you want to be near a national park? Do you want to be near the coast?

Do you need to be near either of your families or friendship networks? And again, probably doing that both of you, and then looking at where those Venn diagrams overlap and where they might differ at all, so that even if you're not actively on right move looking at specific houses in a specific location, you're feeling like you are getting some forward motion in terms of, and Louise, this links into your question that we're gonna cover later as well. So to be thinking about that, what I would say from my work with my clients is that when you are geographically fixed.

Sometimes that can make it a little bit harder, you know, not, not every role, you know, can do some roles from home, obviously, but I would say if you, if you, if to be, sometimes it's easier to look for the, the job roles first, and then think, right, where could I do that job role, which which geographical environments might fit in with that, because if you picked an area now and moved there, and then through the . It's sort of a bit more of a fixy thing when once you're geographically, in, in one particular location. So just based on work with other clients.

I'm not saying you definitely have to do it in that order, but I think it, it might potentially be a little bit easier if that just helps you to sort of line, line up the areas of focus a little bit. But that doesn't mean you can't be thinking about from a lifestyle perspective, what sort of geographical areas or locations that you're drawn to. And then I suppose also looking at jobs .

Around those areas, . Tuesday night again is gonna be really helpful when we come to, to how do you look for, find, create, research and evaluate potential other new roles. And we're also gonna cover kind of, I, I know for a lot of people what will be keeping people stuck is the fear of making the wrong decision.

So that might be like, well, what if I choose RSPCA and charity and actually I'm meant to be doing pig or poetry or ethics work and I make a wrong decision. So, and sometimes we, sometimes that comes from when you've made a decision in the past and it hasn't quite panned out the way you thought. Then what tends to happen is we stop trusting ourselves, we break our, our connection with our own intuition or we worry about making a wrong decision.

And actually, when you, and this, this links in a little bit with the self-belief work as well in that actually there really are, there's there's, there aren't really wrong decisions, there are just different decisions. That give you different experiences and very rarely is something so definitive that it's not reversible, it's not changeable, and I'm not saying that that wouldn't necessarily bring more upheaval, but also if you make, making no decision means you don't find out anything. And you don't, you, you stay kind of where you are and nothing really changes and you you're not finding out any new information.

And there's only so much, there's only so far you can get with cognitively trying to think, will I like that or not, before actually, if either of those options is enough in alignment, then I would say, and you really can't choose between them, they feel absolutely equal. Then if there were no other considerations, I would just say just make one of the, the decisions and experience it for a while and see how that feels. And if by doing that, you will very quickly then work out whether that's that feels like it was the, the, not necessarily the right decision, but a decision that was in alignment with the right sort of work for you.

And if that happens to be a no. Then you've not failed, you've not wasted your time. You've not, it, it's because you've just given yourself a really valuable additional piece of information because you can now look at, OK, well, what were the elements?

I thought that was going to be a good thing for me, but it wasn't why. It was because of these reasons. OK, but I actually quite like that bit of it.

So then, that's the ready fire aim thing in that you've fired, you've had a look and you've gone, I'm not on the target, but I now can see I need to come down a bit and left a bit. So that requires trusting yourself, ability to know that there's no failure, there's only feedback, and feedback is the most valuable and quickest way to speed up your, your journey to the right niche for you. But that's sometimes about being brave enough to experience things and Rich, that's probably gonna apply to, to your question at the end as well.

The other thing is with the MSC in, in Edinburgh and welfare, is there any way, Sophie, that you could speak to them, up there and, and say, could they put you in touch with a few of the alumni or of that, course and just find out what most alumni end up going into from that course just to see if that gives you any inspiration. So when people have achieved the MSC and animal welfare, what are they going on and doing with it? What are the most common types of things that people do, so that might be, you see you've booked some, you've booked some days today at a poultry vet, so yeah, brilliant, fantastic.

Yeah, and she's saying, great idea about asking the, the alumni. So we'll cover more sorts of researching tips, next time. So, .

It, it also, Sophie also has a, a hope while we share she's sort of looking into learning about patisserie as well with the idea to perhaps having a a cafe or a patisserie as well. So you've clearly got quite varied interests and actually maybe heading more towards part of like a portfolio career where you don't just have one income stream. And that you were a veterinary surgeon or animal welfare person slash patisserie person, and that you're generating income from a couple of different sources.

But again, that one would probably then wait until you were in your new geographical location, as well. So, hopefully there's a few ideas in there, Sophie, and I'm sure your question would have applied to a lot of other people as well. Cool, brilliant.

OK, quick swing of the drink. Rosie, you're up next. So I do these questions in the order they come in.

I check the timings on the email and the timings on the Facebook posts. So, I try and do them in the, the orders they come in. Rosie, I'm not sure if she's with us tonight.

Let's see. Rosie, Rosie, give me a shout if you are. You're here, brilliant.

And I'm pretty sure we chatted last time, didn't we? So let me know if you're available for chat if I need. So have to speak, brilliant, OK.

So Rosie says, she's struggling with the fact that once she's articulated what's important to her, she wants to immediately have that area of improving every week. So she's saying I struggle to manage my frustration and disappointment with not reaching a goal or attending a social event once I've admitted I actually want that thing, and I've made an effort to achieve it. So almost being in a holding pattern of just surviving week to week can feel a bit easier for her because then she's not sort of constantly dealing with the disappointment of going, well, I really want to want to do that, but then it's not happening quickly enough.

So she's saying any tips or strategies for working on the minds mindset shift for this, . Yes, Rosie, and I think, you know, we've had a few some part of Cheryl's question was a bit similar. In that, so that, that, it's really normal to have that, that impatience, or, or the kind of when you suss something out, to kind of not be, you know, be able to move towards that, straight away and quickly.

And if you can't, or that there's things in place that mean that you can't immediately move towards that, then it can feel quite frustrating, and that's quite normal. I used to see this so much with practises coming on board at Vet Dynamics. So they would come on board knowing they really wanted to make changes.

We would have like the first, the first session, and they would be just kind of like, it's not going fast enough. I want to get, you know, we want, we want to get to all the cool marketing stuff. It's gonna get us more clients.

And, and we would just have to really put the brakes on and say, whoa, whoa, whoa, we don't, we didn't get to that until a year in on that course. So they want all the flashy shiny, shiny marketing stuff. But actually, it's about putting all the building blocks in and and a lot of the mindsets work in place.

In order to create sustainable change, so, the, you know, we're, I think also for us as a, I'm saying us, I'm probably a bit older than than most than quite a few, quite a few of you guys, we're a generation who, thanks to the internet, and you know, it's just a different setup in terms of, it's much easier in lots of other areas to just to get instant gratification. So if you want to do something in a lot of cases, you can just do it. And so it, it can mean that our patients, our sort of ability to sustain.

Paced out, you know, something that's pulsed out over a long time to get towards a name when we know we will get there, but it will take a little bit of time. It, it, those skills can just be, they, they can need a bit of building up resilience, tolerance, building up to do that. And also it comes back again to, to partly sometimes wanting, the one definitive, answer.

Rosie, I'm just gonna, can I unmute you? I don't know if I can unmute you. Can you unmute yourself for me?

Hello. Hello. Hi, Rosie.

So can you give me an example? So the main thing that we really are focusing on this year, I am focusing on this year is we're trying to buy a house, we. Thought we'd had an offer accepted and now it turns out we're sort of stuck maybe at the bottom of a chain, perhaps.

So it's very frustrating and we have very little control over the progress of the thing that's most important at the moment. Yeah, . It's also on a smaller scale, I've realised it's something that, stops me booking holiday, for example, I really struggle with, because if I, I find it more upsetting to ask for a week off and be told, no, I can't have it than to not ask for any time off.

Which is something that I've found, I've I've realised there's a problem for a while, but I still have to drag myself to booking holiday and it upsets me every time, right? And is the is the is the response commonly that you can't have it? .

Yes, potentially. My boss has booked quite a lot of holiday, and it's not always clear from, we get, a rota with all the holiday listed out, but it's not always clear how many vets are allowed to be off at any given time. So you have to just ask, and then the practise manager will say whether she can fit you in or not.

So you can't look at it and go, OK, I can have this week and this week. Yeah, yeah. She's like, oh, just ask me, like she wants to be helpful.

She says, oh, just ask me and I'll see if I can fit it in. For me, that's very stressful because I don't know if I'm gonna get a yes or no when I ask. Yeah.

Yeah, that's why it's very stressful, but it is. Yeah. I think poss well, I guess, so it's useful to ask, it's so it's useful to ask yourself those questions as well in terms of why does that feel really stressful?

Is it because the job itself is feeling quite stressful, so those those weeks of holiday represent the only respite and and bit of your own time and time when. You know, it, and, or, or is it, is it that it's the lack of autonomy in that it would feel really, really good to be able to just know and decide for yourself when you can take some downtime and that not being able to have having someone else controlling that, whether that just feels like too much loss of autonomy. Yeah, maybe it's that actually, it might be the, the being told, having your life controlled by someone else, I suppose.

Yeah, you want to do X thing. Yeah, absolutely. So I think with some of this, it's about that thing of, you know, so thinking about the house, the house one.

Part of that is about managing your own expectations and looking for those things where sort of productive versus unproductive worry. So, so most of us worry. And, and that, you know, some, some of us can be real worriers, and, and so with worry, there are two different types.

So unproductive worry is worrying about things that you have, they're not within your sphere of influence, you have absolutely no control over. And you can't, there's nothing you can do to change really that situation. So things like the, so what would fall within that would be the, the, the, the way in which buying houses works in the UK in that it often, not, not across the board in all cases, but it often is a long drawn out process.

It's, it can, it can be fought with gazumping and chains and stuff and it's just, there's almost. It's, it's quite, unless you're a cash buyer and you've got certain sets of circumstances, it's difficult to, to navigate all of that. So, so there's there's certain elements within that that are just part of buying a house process in the UK and it's really, it's, it is difficult.

It's like, it's like that thing when you're trying to get pregnant and you want to beautifully plan your life and stuff, but you can't control when that might happen or if it might happen and dealing with those levels of uncertainties when they impact on something. That feels as security minded as where you live and you're, you know, that's often linked to financial security as well. It's uncomfortable and it and it's unsettling, and it means that it's until you've gone through that part of the process, you can't really plan that much further ahead.

And so for those of us that like to have a plan, like to have that security, that flapping loose end can feel really bloody uncomfortable. Does that ring any bells? Yeah, definitely, yeah.

And so, so part of it is the, is starting to build the muscle of for, for tolerating discomfort if buying a house, if, if, if beyond that, the goal beyond it, the, the what it would mean to you to own your home. And to own the right type of home that you actually want to live in, that's not just a quick desperation purchase. If, if it's reigniting that bigger picture, so being able to take a step back and go, right, well, I'm putting myself through this because of that reason.

Is that a powerful enough reason for me? Do I want it enough? Yeah, I do.

I really want that, and I want it because of these things. And so when you're struggling for motivation or when you're struggling to tolerate the discomfort of something. If you're putting yourself through it for a reason that you're really behind and you do want the outcome, and you will eventually get the outcome, even if it's not necessarily with that house.

If you want to buy a house and you're dogged and determined, you will get there. And, but if you ask that question and and go, actually, it's sort of a nice to have, but it doesn't feel like enough for me to put myself through this, then that's, that's a different conversation to be, to be having with yourself. So.

Part of that is, so that's kind of, you know, look for unproductive worry and and versus productive worry. So productive worry is something that you can do something about. So you know all that back and forth you have with house buying where suddenly their solicitor says, right, we've got 22 points you want to respond to and all of that stuff.

So wherever the ball is in your courts, or wherever there is any form of action that you could take that could influence that situation. That's productive worry. That, so where it's so it's going right.

What about this situation am I worrying about that I have absolutely bugger all control over and I'm just gonna choose to try and release, release that and accept it. And what parts of this process can I actually do something about? Maybe that's making it, cos estate agents are usually rubbish at getting back to you, so maybe that's making, setting a reminder on your phone.

Every so few, so, you know, few days, so that you're proactively reminding them or asking them about stuff. And then in between times you just forget about it and, and and, you know, work on other anxiety relieving strategies. So I think it's managing expectations.

Have you got a powerful enough why for what you're putting yourself through. Now when it comes to things like the, the holiday allowance. It may be, have you flagged that up with the management team that that's a stressful thing for you?

I have, yeah. And periodically, the practise manager will, will sit down and plan some holidays. So she, she's nagging me a little bit to book, which does help.

I tried to get my partner more on board with also being like, Right, let's book some holiday, but that has not proved successful due to a couple of separate issues that his issues, or rather my issues. But yeah, it's, it is improving. I've got more holiday booked for this year than last year and I've got a little bit booked for the following year as well, so I'm good through the discomfort.

So yeah, and also just. Looking at what, what choices can I make about my own response to stuff. So that's, that's a, that's a stretch and we're gonna start covering that when we look at the anxiety things and looking at what our knee jerk brain's response is to something, and then how we can gradually over time again improve skills at at not just running with the instinctive response our brain has to something, but going, right, OK, that doesn't feel very good.

How can I, can I shift and transform how I'm, what I'm saying to myself about that or how I'm perceiving it. Or you know, those sorts of things as well. So I think in the, in module 5, we'll have some more stuff that will help with that, but is that helps, a little bit.

Yeah, that's pretty helpful. Thank you. Good.

Thanks, Rosie. I'll just re-mute you. .

Mm mm mm. OK, so Catherine. Catherine says, do you have any tips for how to deal with setbacks, particularly when you've put a lot of work into something and it goes wrong and makes you feel dejected and like you want to give up?

Oh, Katherine, that sounds really tough. Yes, I do have, I have tips on that. So, so, and I know that you run your own business and as a business owner that that, you know, you know, fellow business owner, it's .

It that that it does feel really, really hard when you try to set the wheels in motion or do something. It's not panned out how, how you want. And because we don't, as business owners, you don't have a boss or anyone else to kind of motivate you.

When something like that happens, you, you have to self motivate and you have to sort of nurse yourself through it. So I, I get how challenging that is. So the first thing, the first tool I would go for is, is self compassion and self soothing before we get to solutions and how you scrape yourself back up.

The first thing is that often we don't allow ourselves to recognise when something is, is causing us to, to, to suffer, to, to feel pain, or, you know, emotional pain, or we know we feel negative. But actually being able to, we're gonna talk a lot about self compassion in the, in the next module. So it's those skills of, of recognising that that's what, whatever it is that that hasn't worked, .

That that's a difficult thing for you to be going through, and it's completely appropriate that that would feel a bit rubbish, or a lot rubbish, and that that might pull your mood down for a little bit and actually just finding tools and techniques for self-s soothing, and I'm gonna give you some in, in the next module, would be the first thing there. So that's not about blame, it's not about self blame or self judgement. It's not about blaming or, or judging, .

Necessarily the other people involved, although dealing with those feelings is, is important as well. and it's, it's self compassion in that way, it's not, that's not the same as falling into loads of self-pity and wallowing in self pity and having a right old pity party, although. Falling in self-pity and having a pity party for like a night or two is, is sometimes really OK and understandable, and you just need to go and do it and then go, right, well, I've done that now, so how do I move past that.

So, but self-compassion is not self-pity, they're very different. It's just being really kind to yourself and recognising and not trying to numb or ignore when something's felt really difficult and just giving yourself a little bit of time. .

Other things that can help there if self soothing or self compassion is a stretch, which, which it is for a lot of us, and until you've practised it, is reaching out and connecting with a close friend, a partner, a colleague, someone within your support network that you trust, and allow them to help provide you with a bit of perspective and some support, because often things like that can make us feel really alone. Or they can make us question our decisions or all sorts of stuff, and actually having someone that loves you and knows you to just to have a download to, but then also reflect back to you some, you know, especially if you're feeling a lack of confidence or any self-doubt because of what's happening, you need to speak to someone who, who knows you and sees how brilliant you are, who can just help you to just not to, to have a sense of perspective with it. Once you've done those things, then it's about just reviewing that situation and a little bit like the slide that we showed at the start there, it's about checking if you've fallen below the line and you're thinking because of this and thinking, right, OK, it's time now to come back up above the line, and review that situation and be open to giving yourself some feedback, giving feedback to the other people involved, asking for feedback from the other people involved.

Because, because it's important to understand why this has happened, how it might be done differently moving forward, do you want to do it, try it again. If so, how, what's that gonna look like? And just then starting to be able to move into more practical problem solving, get back up again mode.

So when you are brave, when you, when you're putting yourself out there in any way, shape or form, either as a business owner or a career changer, taking a leap into the unknown, it's really brave, and. And, and it feels vulnerable because it's yourself that's out there. And just because we've been brave, we've put ourselves out there, doesn't mean that you don't occasionally fall over and get your face in the, in the dust.

And that doesn't mean you shouldn't be out there. It doesn't mean you made a wrong decision. It doesn't mean that you should stop trying.

It just means that you, that doesn't happen. If you stay small, you don't stretch yourself, you do nothing. If you never want to experience that, you need to say nothing, do nothing, choose nothing.

That's the only way to avoid that sometimes happening. So it's about them kind of saying, right, well, Rather than hiding or contracting, gonna dust myself off. Maybe some boundary setting might be needed, or re-evaluating the boundary if that got crossed, in any way, and, and decide on what the next actionable steps for you with that situation could be.

I'm just looking to see if you're, I can't remember if you're here or not on the call. I can't see you. Catherine, you are here.

. And then, and then it's about doing things to shift your mood. So if that's, if that's keeping you in a low mood. But you've gone through the self compassion, you've talked to some people, you've picked yourself back up and you've decided on some actionable steps moving forward.

If you're still feeling a bit low, then it just, it's about thinking, how can I do things to shift my mood, whatever that means to you, whether that's moving your body, going for a long dog walk, doing some exercise, doing some yoga, having a bath, curling up with a good book, just what's gonna, just anything that's gonna raise the vibration or the or the energy levels that you're feeling. And help your moods to come back up again. And we're gonna, again, I'm gonna be sort of covering that, in a few other, other modules.

So Catherine, you're here, great. Does that, are there any bits in there that are helping or are you still feeling stuck with that? Yes, it makes sense.

OK. Good. If there's any more, any more things that crop up about that, then obviously just let me know and keep asking.

. OK, who's next? Aileen, I think I hope I'm saying your name right, Eileen. So Eileen says, I'm lucky enough to have a job with part-time hours in the village where we live, so I have no real commute and I can spend more time with my young family.

That's really important to me. However, the jobs become more and more stressful, lack of management support, and greatly increased charging and client expectations. So the goalposts have shifted a bit, it sounds like, Aileen.

I don't know whether I should just put up with it, because life is good otherwise outside of work, or if not, how could I find something that doesn't involve more time away from family. She's not going to be live on the Q&A tonight, but she's watching back. So, I had a look at your form, Aileen, it's the questionnaire that you that you sent in.

And the enjoyment of your role or career at the moment was sitting down at a 3. And even though you're getting to spend the time that you want with the family, your life balance was only scoring at a 5. So it, there's something in there that's telling me that that role, that role.

It, I don't know how sustainable it's feeling, even though it's giving all those other, you know, giving you the freedom to spend the time with with the family, it seems like it's really not making you feel the way that we want it to. We'd like to get that score up a little bit. And, so Eileen has two preschool children and that her family is a real priority for her.

So, I would be looking to see just what other options there could be out there for you. So, so staying where you are and just coping with that as best you can in order to maintain the benefits of being 5 minutes down the road is one option. But let's not have all your eggs in that basket.

Let's be looking at and evaluating. And I know you won't have acres of spare time with, with two tiny children, but just we're gonna talk about how to carve out the time on Tuesday. Let's just see what other options might be out there for you.

because I had a quick look at what your address and I can see that you're 30 minutes outside of Edinburgh. So while that does obviously represent a commute, and you might feel like that's too much of a commute, there's, there's obviously a lot of different practises and practise setups, in Edinburgh. What you could do though, is it may be worth popping a question into that Steger diversify Facebook group, about what roles are people currently doing that they're able to do part time from home and just see what sort of responses people come up because, come up with, because if continuing to maintain and use your veterinary skills, but being able to not have to be away from the the home too much so that you can be with the children, then things that can be done from home.

Could be a really good option for you. And at the end of the day, it may be worth considering trying a role like that, even just for a while, I know there's that fear of will I de-skill myself clinically, but people take massive long career breaks, as in a few years, sometimes completely out of vetting, to have their children there and come back. And I know that's not easy, and I know you have to get up to speed with all the drug names and the procedure changes, but there are lots of, there are lots of resources available for that.

And CPD courses that can help you return to work after a break if you needed them. However, similar to what I was saying to somebody else, earlier on, sometimes you just need to experience things to work out if they're gonna work for you. So that might be a good question to pop into the diversify Facebook group because you'll get a lot of answers and that might just stimulate your thinking.

It might give you a couple of things that you've gone, I didn't even know that was a thing. And there's all sorts there, you know, in telemedicine. You're only over the bridge from the support office at Dunfermline for Vets now.

They have quite a lot of non-clinical roles that can be done from home. So one of my best friends, is my former senior nurse that was in the clinic with me, at Vets Now who. From since her children were born, really, she now works from home for vets now, listening to a lot of their call recordings and then providing clinical feedback and training for, for listening to the call recordings.

So there's those sorts of jobs, they do exist, they are around, you just might not be aware of them and, and starting to ask some questions like that in Betagodiversify would, would probably be where I would go first to, to start just getting some inspiration. There's telemedicine, there's out of hours call centres, you know, there's quite a lot of stuff that, that could be done from home. The BDS claims advisor roles, I know they're like, they come up once in a blue moon and 150 people apply for them, but they're really well paid and, and, and, and can be done from home as well.

So that might be a good start point. And again, some of that might be about freeing yourself from a certain amount of limiting beliefs about what could be possible for you or what you might enjoy, or what if I do that, will I de-skill myself clinically and we'll cover how to deal with those fears in module 5, I think we do the limiting belief stuff. So Eileen, I hope that's useful when you watch back on the replay.

Right, let me just have a quick swig of the drink. OK, Ali. We are moving on to you, are you on the call?

Let me see. Allie, she is on the call, hello. Ali, let me know if you're happy to chat via text or sound, .

It, so Ali says, I'm currently working in a situation where I'm struggling for motivation, as I can't seem to meet the expectation or approval of the boss, despite seemingly good feedback from the clients. So I know I need to change something in the grand scheme, but how do I manage myself and my drive to cope until I've figured out the next step? So Ali, as you probably know from, from former questions or from seeing on the Facebook group.

Is bravely just returned to work after a number of weeks off having been crushed by a cow. She's in large animal practise with a challenging boss, it, it sounds like, and also having just, you know, just come back into that, that workplace. So, so, .

And you've got the, also, so also I think you are, I think Ellie, if I'm correct, you're geographically fixed. So you're in quite a rural area near the west coast of Scotland, where there's not a, a massive range of different practises that you could be working at. Is that correct?

Text is great, yeah. So I think there's your geographical fix and also you have a young family, so a little similar to Aileen, you, you're wanting to be there for your, for your family as well. .

So part of this process is going to be claiming back your self-worth, your self belief, and that's a gradual process of building up your muscle in doing that, and I'm gonna give you loads of tools and techniques for that in the next module and practising resilience. I just want to hop back into my slides again for this, yeah, geographically fits in a small community. And this goes back, actually, Sophie, to what I was saying to you, and Louise, I'll be saying the same thing to you as well about as if it's a choice between jobs versus do you pick the location first or the job first, it's harder when you're geographically fixed.

And Ali, I'm not saying that that means you have limited options at all. I'm just saying that in relation to Sophie, as in if she's got a choice at that point, that's sort of what I mean. It just means you have to get, when you are geographically fixed, you just need to get more creative, and a little similar to what I was just saying to Aileen, there may be options, possibilities, things that don't require you to be in a specific geographical location, but that still maintain and use your veterinary skills, even if that's just for a period while the children are really small.

So I just want to hop back into my slides for a second. Share that, share that. And ooh, let me just move all of you guys over to one side.

I've lost my chat box, how do I find the chat box? Check Brilliant. OK.

So, if you've followed my work for any length of time, you'll know that I'm a big Brene Brown fan. And Brenne talks a lot about this concept of being in the arena. And she just means by that that you're willing to put yourself out there and be involved and engaged in something and be willing to, to be who you truly are and to let yourself be seen.

So she talks a lot about this, this quote, it's not the critique who counts, it's not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man or woman. Who's actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, and who's being crushed by cows, who strives violently, comes up short, and basically it's saying, you know, in, in the end, in, in the best case scenario, knows the triumph of high achievement.

And at worst, if, if we fail within the arena, at least we fail while daring greatly. And that it's about that, having that courage to put yourself in, in the arena. Of being who you truly are.

And we, and we have different arenas. So everyone's arena at the moment might be, so for me, an, an arena for me feels like being brave enough to put myself out there on social media and be and put me and my thoughts and my opinions of what I stand for and what I care about, out into the public domain. That feels hugely vulnerable.

That's definitely an arena for me. Sometimes an arena can be having tricky conversations with your husband. Or Sophie, an arena for you might be sort of, you know, who, who gets first dibs in terms of looking at the geographical location.

So we've all got different arenas that we might be in. And the reason that I wanted to bring that up is because this is, this is relevant to you, Ali, in terms of whose feedback you allow in. Whose feedback you allow to, it's a bit like if there's any Harry Potter fans here, it's like the Sword of Gryffindor.

If you're not a Harry Potter fan, this will mean nothing. That only takes in that which makes it stronger. So not all feedback is equal.

The only feedback we should ever be paying any attention to is from people who are also in the arena. So if you, so cos cos criticism, cynicism, having impossible expectations, a lot of the, you know, some of the things that you're that you're feeling from your boss, they're not in the arena type things. They're, I'm sitting in the cheap seats taking cheap shots and not putting myself out there in the same way.

And, and that sort of feedback, it, it needs to deflect off you and not and not get in and or not allow you, it's working towards not allowing that to, to dent or damage your self-confidence. And I'm not saying that's easy, especially with a strong, a strong character. I would be paying much more attention to the feedback that you're getting from the end user of your services, which is the clients.

And also, you know, so, so. It it's thinking about the, the view of you that your husband has, that your children have, that your clients have, the people who, that, that, that, that really matter, and allowing that feedback to come in. But just feedback that doesn't feel fair or reasonable, or, you know, expectations that it's really difficult for you to meet and that it then it then it's about going, right, well, as hard as that is, I'm just going to try and deflect that feedback and not let it in.

And I, and I'm not saying that that's easy. And then also it's not. That wouldn't be sustainable.

It would, it would, it would be sustainable if you were willing to do an absolute tonne of work on your self-belief and resilience. But we don't want you to, to have to feel like you're massively armoured up either, because resilience isn't actually about armoring up, it's about staying open and staying vulnerable and bouncing back up again like Catherine is having to do with having just been through a, a, a difficult experience. So I just wanted to share that quote with everyone because your question brought it up, Ali, and I think it's, right, hopefully that's stopped sharing.

So what else was there in that Yeah. So again, my advice would really be, so in terms of the, the short term, some of the, the self-belief and confidence work that we've got coming in the next couple of modules, hopefully Ali will really help. And also it would be about, same as I was saying to, to Aileen, really, about sort of, you know, you, you're just navigating coming back to work, so you've probably got enough on your plate already at the moment, but when, if the, if when it does feel like a little bit of extra bandwidth.

Just thinking about what other options might be worth exploring, might be available to you. And I know that if you're a large animal vet and you love being outdoors and you love being on farms, you might not want to be doing something that's home-based. But again, it's just, it's just, you know, we'll we'll cover it on Tuesday, what sort of how, how to look for various different, options.

And in the meantime, it is focusing on self-care. In terms of coping skills and resilient skills, and again, same as I was saying to, Catherine, reaching out and talking about how you're feeling and talking about how you're feeling with people who have earned the right to hear your story and are also willing to be vulnerable and open with you, who can reflect back to you, who you are and how amazing you are and what skills and talents that you do have. So it's reaching out to people like that who are gonna help boost you up, whilst you're also doing the self-belief work yourself and just looking so that you don't feel like, Staying in the current situation exactly as it is, is, is the only option.

If it does feel like it's the main option at the moment, then part of that might be around assertiveness and just really going back and clarifying the expectations that are being put on you and saying, just so I understand, is this what you're, you know, can you just clarify for me exactly what you're expecting. So let's just, you know, can we have a chat about the next two months. What are you expecting from me and actually being able to push back a little bit.

I mean I don't, I don't know if that feels like it's possible, but to say, well, I don't feel like that's a reasonable expectation. I feel like I can do this. I feel like I'm really good at this.

The feedback that I'm getting from the clients is good. I feel like I'm contributing in this way. I'm not gonna, that feels like an unrealistic expectation and just maybe being able to think about doing a bit of boundary setting, and I know you were saying that.

I think you were saying that it was a bit tricky because the the the boss is like a either a family friend or your husband's friend, and that I know that makes boundary setting a bit difficult, but at the end, you know, especially if it's getting anywhere near sort of overt bullying or not, you know, but very unfairness, then you have to have a boundary, even if it is a, it, it is a friend, so. Or just think, you know, how could I get my current role working the way I need it to for me and my family, kind of in spite of him, and actually, I, that's where I need to, to get it to. So Ali, is there, are there any bits and bobs in there that, .

That help with that. Thank you, that's brilliant. Please can you send me the size of the quote so I can print it and put it in my like, yeah, absolutely.

I when it's a corker, and yeah, the only feedback that counts is people who are also in the arena. To seek feedback. No.

Not, not worthy. Yes, I will. If I forget, Ali, just give me a shout.

I'll, I'll post it up in the Facebook group as well, I think. OK dokie. Right, guys, I know we're sort of 5 minutes over.

I think we've not got too many questions left, so I'll try and, get through them, . OK, so Rebecca. Becca is on the, oh, I know we've got a few, we've got Rebecca and Becca.

So have I got 2? Becca Maudling, are you here tonight? Let me know if you're still on the call.

Yes, you are. OK, lovely, and I think you were happy to chat last time, weren't you? If need be.

Yep, you are, brilliant, OK, . I think actually, yeah, so let's let's, so, Becca's question, basically, she's saying, I've been mulling over the exercises done so far, hasn't yet started a career Coty blueprint because there's one thing she's struggling with, and that's still around the roles. So she's feeling out the role of parents to a child with additional needs but not yet a diagnosis is her breakthrough role, but there's a few challenges with it.

It's actually that very role is causing overwhelming burnouts and it's affecting her ability to perform or succeed in her other roles. So for example, she's got a role of friend and family member and there's there's there's things that she's wanting to put into that role and ideally would like to have the time or energy to do, but at the minute, given what is, by the sounds of it better, given what you're working through and with the parenting role, it's, it's sounding like those, those things that would be nice to have in the friend and family role are just feeling more like an obligation or a drain, cos there's not enough energy to go around. And it's also affecting.

Her role as business owner, partner, line manager. Having said that, she has been quite good at preserving the roles aim to preserve her own sanity. So self-care, has been preserved, which is good.

That's great. That's a big fat tick, and you just, yeah, your sanity is, is everything, Becca, we need to keep your wheels on, we need to keep your container emptied so that you, you know, you've got a lot that you're absorbing. And that means that if your, if your containers fill up, there's, it's, it's really hard to keep, absorbing.

So that's definitely really important. And what she's saying is that, so obviously, the, ideally the breakthrough role would be the parenting role, but actually her ability to make progress on the goals within that is really difficult because it, there's a third party, external party, i.e.

The NHS, that, that is needed in there to understand the issues, that your daughter's facing in determining the most appropriate strategies. It's something you've been trying to make posters for 3.5 years and everything's so slow, and I really get that.

I've got two other vet friends, vet friends who are a couple, their little boy is 8 and he's got autism and ADHD. And similarly, I remember it taking them, I don't think it was, it was not far off the, the same length of time to, to, to get a diagnosis. It's just bonkers that it takes, you know.

Anyway, that's in terms of the, the, the realities of that situation and the speed of speeding it up. That's, that sort of is a little bit like the unproductive worry I was talking about to Rosie because it just is what it is. It seems to be frustratingly that that is how it is right now.

So what Becca's saying is, I guess my question is, how do you deal with a situation where one of your roles is causing exhaustion and it, it, and affecting your ability to fulfil your other roles, but you're not solely in control of what's happening in that role. . So, In, in a, we'll we'll get into the detail in a second, so I, I suppose in a nutshell, it's looking a little bit like where I was talking about productive and unproductive worry in terms of looking at are there any bits at all within that where any action taken by you is gonna change or or speed that up.

But in the meantime, if it isn't. And that's a there's a rate limiting factor that you can't control and you're as actioned on it as you can be at the minute and you're waiting for a response or till the next time you plan to chase for a response. Then it's about your focus almost has to be, I, I get that you'll be depleted in energy, but if you can't, actioning stuff is the way to, to be able to relieve anxiety or something, and if you can't action something, it's trying to action something else that will either replenish you or, or, or help you and focusing on that, so.

So let so let me just unmute you. Have I unmuted the the correct Becker? I don't know.

Becca, can you unmute yourself? Can you hear me now? I can hear you now, yes, thank you.

OK, hi Rebecca. So with, with this, with the role, if you could, if we could wave my magic wand again, and, and you could literally, there was nothing else you needed to do, you, your sole role could be within that parenting role. Is there, is there, anything at all, if you had all the time in the world to spend on it, that you could possibly do about changing or speeding up that situation?

I think what I'm, I think I'm doing everything that I can to try and speed it up, but that takes a lot of time and energy. It's a lot of chasing, it's a lot of phone calls, and there's an emotional load that comes with that. It's not just a phone call, so I think I'm doing all of that I'm trying to do everything else, and I think that's where I'm struggling a bit.

Yeah. So, similar to shower in terms of just feeling a little bit overwhelmed with the number of plates and the complexity of them, yeah, definitely. Absolutely.

So, so with that, it's, it's kind of an I suppose once you do get to the point where you can get a diagnosis and as you say, be for them to be able to come back or as much of a diagnosis as they are able to give, and that there, then there are some strategies or tweaks or changes or or or differences that in approach that mean that there's, there is something else tangible that you could be doing to support both your daughter and, and yourselves, then at that point it becomes more. Easy to have that as a focused breakthrough role if that makes sense. So I'm wondering whether, obviously that that role is, as you say, it's draining, it's exhausting, it's taking a lot from you.

And you're, you're taking as much action within it as you, you can do, but it, I wonder whether it's almost worth having like a. Sub breakthrough are almost like the second you can, you can get that diagnosis, then almost while you're when, while you can then go into stabilisation, changing, tweaking, figuring that out mode, then absolutely that would become, I guess, probably the main breakthrough role and focus because that, like you say, any changes or shifts within that role. That go in a positive direction is then gonna positively impact your, the, the amount of energy you've got in all of the other roles.

Would that be fair to say? Yeah, yeah. So it's almost like.

We, we're gonna swoop that one in to be the breakthrough role when you get the diagnosis or when you get the next stage. And I know that you, you know, 3.5 years in, it's very difficult to predict exactly when that, that can happen.

But certainly within, do you feel like you could get any movement on that within the next 12 months? Or is that like I think potentially within the next 12 months at the moment we're looking at. Likely to be 5 to 9 months, when we're gonna get to a position where we might be able to get.

So it could almost be. So sometimes where people are struggling to choose the breakthrough role because there's, there's sort of different things that you can look at is you can almost like stagger it in terms of, for the 1st 6 months. The, you know, it's, it's focus, but it's focus in that that's respectful of just how much your parenting role is demanding of you, because that's not a role that you have, you know, that's, that is a role that isn't, you know, changeable, that that is there and it does need you and you need it and and all of those things.

So it's kind of bearing that in mind. It's where partly there's a certain amount of say, you know when we're talking about moving the sliders on the. Life balance wheel.

Yeah. And where, I don't know where the score came out on your friends and family one, but let's say it was a 5, and ideally you'd like to get that up to a 7 or an 8, and you've got some ideas about things that if you weren't dealing with anything else, you could do. It might be about looking at the fact that at the moment, given that you're also wanting to be thinking about your, you know, the, the I guessing needing to be thinking about the business owner role as well, and the parenting role, that that side it might just need to stay where it is for the next 12 months until there is available energy and so that, that, because if it feels like actually pushing forward in that role as well, it's just another drain and then, and something else, people who love you, your friends and family are totally gonna understand what you're dealing with and and where you are right now.

So it's probably it's about. It's about making choices with in areas where you can, because there are some areas where you can't, and, and that's just the reality of, of what's going on at the moment and that takes the energy it takes, which is why it's, you know, you're doing such the right thing by having the, the self-care bit as, you know, definitely keeping, keeping that online, . Let me think, .

Also, is there any, is there any way, do you, do you like, is there any way for you to be able to carve out Almost like fire, fire breaks is the thing that's coming into my mind. Like any time where you can have whatever would feel like appropriate next time that that might just be a weekend or it might just be a one overnight stay. Just, just something where every 2 to 3 months there's a little window of respite where you can do something that means that for 24 hours or 48 hours if you can manage it, absolutely nothing is needed from you.

Is that possible at all? It's something that I've tried to do and probably need to be better at doing that. So I think it is possible.

I just need to be better at actually doing it. Thinking about, yeah, booking it in, just because it, it, I think it's probably, you know, it's. Parenting, you know, it's like normal parenting is amazing but relentless.

And actually, it, it actually just being able to just, just build in a, you know, whatever it feels like it's reasonable and that you could manage. Certainly I would be hoping for something within every 2, every quarter, once a quarter, that they. It can be just a little window of a break, where, and that might, you, you might just end up sleeping for 48 hours, or you might end up doing something really nourishing, or just, just being in, just extracting yourself from, from, from the from the environment and being able to just replenish a little bit.

So that might be, you know, a certain, you know, an important bit of self-care that you could maybe think about adding in. Yeah, that sounds good. And again, it, it's, how realistic does it, I, I know obviously because we've worked together before, so I know where, I know the sort of thoughts that you were having around the, the, your, the career and developing or maybe shifting your role within the company.

How realistic does it feel within the next 12 months to also be working on that? Is there enough bandwidth for that? Yeah, that's something that is progressing, and I think it was quite interesting hearing the stuff about setbacks because it's something that we've had setbacks with as well in terms of recruiting the right people into the business.

So, but it's definitely something that is planned, so I guess it's just trying to, to actually make that happen. Yeah, yeah. So I think really, almost, although I'm pushing you to have one breakthrough role, and that's because, you know, it, it is about focus.

I think in, in, in your particular situation, you've almost got, not, not all three of those are gonna be breakthroughs. I'm thinking self-care, business, parenting are probably the, and the, the self-care one has to be there in order for you to, to be that container. And absorb that.

But it's about not you not getting completely lost and forgotten in all of that so that you're losing your own identity within the business. So that I guess would be about pushing forward with that, that when there is bandwidth and probably having to do a little bit of acceptance and. Leasing of the pace of that, because it might not be where you'd ideally like it to be.

But again, hopefully, when you can get the help and support that you need in terms of knowing how to support your daughter and yourselves, that that will, you know, certainly. I've got 3 other friends of mine that are at various stages with children with additional needs, and certainly it does seem to, and I'm sure you will know this as well from talking to people, it does seem to make a big difference, once you can get the strategies and processes in place that then help your child. And you, so that would be really fantastic if that can come within the next 12 months.

And then, and then it would be reevaluating the life balance wheel, and that would be probably from a bit of a different place. Mm. Yeah.

So, does that help at all? Yeah, that's really helpful, thank you. Good.

Thanks, Rebecca. Do you wanna mute yourself again cause I the way you are. Brilliant, thank you.

OK. Nicola. Nicola McCallum, so I think we've got a few Nick as well, she is saying.

I struggled a bit with my roles in the Life Balance builder outside career and relationships. So lots of plenty of things that she loves to do, reading, yoga, spending time with animals or in nature, creating a lovely home, but always feeling keenly aware that these aren't exactly skills, and then continuously trying to throw herself into new hobbies, always ones involving making or creating something. And she's saying, I'm pretty sure that a lot of this has to do with feeling like.

It's kind of like she's saying she doesn't want to be sitting underneath the vet identity takeover, but almost a part of her identity is about, something other than than the role of, of vet, and to be able to have something to offer, if anything was ever to happen to her career. . So she's, yeah, she's saying I feel like I don't offer the world enough if I'm not creating anything and realises that that probably sounds a bit ridiculous, but I, I understand it, Nicola.

So she's saying, I suppose my question is, how do I start to untangle what I want to be doing in my spare time from what I feel I should be doing? Because she's saying I don't want to cut myself off from doing new things, but I also don't want to feel like I'm not enough as a person if I don't find an area of expertise outside vetting. So, it's in, and I know what you mean, Nicola, it does make sense.

And there's a couple of things in here. With this, because, so, so, having read back through your form as well, you do have a definite clinical interest. So although although you're feeling like the regular clinical small and general practises, practises isn't quite the right thing for you, you've got your interest in animal behaviour and chronic pain, and she's wanting to move more towards, that those modalities.

But she's experiencing really common challenges, which I know quite a few of the rest of you are as well, around self-belief, feeling good enough. Wanting to not be defined just by being a vet, but also concerned about not having a purpose or a skill set. So, and this is in terms of what you do outside of work, in particular, and that sense of self-worth being tied to productivity.

So when we, when our self-worth is tied to our productivity, then we, what we're saying to ourselves is, I am what I do and how well I do it. So this brings us onto the subject of play. So play is all the things we do that aren't work, so it's basically anything that we do that is essentially purposeless and we do it just for fun.

And we're not quite the only species that do it, because dolphins do as well, but we're, we're one of the only species that do that. And, so when, when we are defining ourselves by our productivity, so actioning stuff and doing stuff off the to do list gives us a sense of purpose and meaning and makes us feel like we're a valuable person, then sometimes just the concept of doing something that essentially is purposeless. Can be anxiety provoking instead of relaxing if your self-worth is tied to your productivity.

So, part of, parts of this, and I know, Nicola, that you're doing a lot of work around your, your self-belief, in that. So, and you've been doing really brilliantly with it, making progress. So the next part of the progression for this with you, I think, is going to be looking at how you start to decouple your self-worth and your productivity.

And we will be talking about this in, in the self-worth module after this one. And I can give you resources and and references that can help with that as well. It's also about understanding the importance of play, so as hardworking, high achieving, veterinary or other professionals, .

It it's, it's sort of like play can be seen as a bit frivolous, not having any meaning, but it's absolutely vital. We have to do it. It's as important to our brain and our psyche as rest.

Like, we all know we should be getting 7 or 8 hours of, of rest, sleep a night and resting. What we don't realise is that play is just as important. And play looks different to different people.

So play for one person might be sports, hill walking. I've got one client I'm working with at the moment. He's, he's really, really introverted, vet practise owner.

Play to him is shutting himself in his basement den, and playing on computer games for the whole of a night. But that relaxes him, it puts him in flow, it takes the stress away, and, and for him, that's play. So play can be any, anything.

It can be something creative, it can be something not creative, it's just anything that puts you in flow. And there's a really good book here, I don't know if you, I can't see myself, so I don't know if you can see it. It's called, it's by, Stuart Brown.

I don't know if I've put it on the reading list or not. It's called Play How It Shapes the Brain Opens the imagination and invigorates the soul. So it's basically the research on play.

So I know that many of us are quite left-brained. We like a little bit of data and evidence. And, and as you said, if you can data and evidence why we need play, that can help the vet bit of our brain to go, Oh, that's not just a frivolous thing, it, I need it.

I have to have it. I should be doing it. Not, not, not a bad should.

And this, I can't really sort of go through the whole, whole of the book now, but in the book, it sort of explains why from an evolutionary perspective, we need to play. And the fact that that the that we remain juvenile for quite a lot longer than most other species. Therefore, we have a longer period where play is involved in our development.

And when you look at that from an evolutionary perspective, it's one of the reasons that we have been able to evolve more as a faster and higher as a species, because we have a much longer period of play and because we engage in play. So whatever form of anything, so if you're drawn to something that's creative, Nicola, that's brilliant, but if you're drawn to something that's not inherently creative, but it's play for you, that's, that has just as much inherent value and deserves a place on your life balance wheel. And, you know, play kind of it, the reason we need it is it's a safe space for us to be weirdly, we sort of end up role-playing situations in a safe space by whatever form of play we're doing.

And that helps with creativity, it helps with all sorts of things. So, that might be a good book to either listen to or, or have a read of. So Nicola, I'm not sure if you're on the call tonight.

Or is there anything else? That's yeah, . Because there was, when I looked at your form and I was looking at the things that you were proud of, the things that you were proud of were, were poor, you can build with clients, the courage to go travelling.

Courage to follow a specialty, and supporting your best friend during a difficult time. So those are all indicators that you've got guts and courage and you have got self-belief. I know, I know it can feel wobbly at times, but there, but there's signs that the work that you've been doing on yourself, is developing your self-belief.

So what I would say to you is you're going in the right direction. You're asking the right questions, and just redefine what play means to you and stick it on the wheel, and don't feel like it has to be productive or creative if you don't want it to be. I hope that helps.

Right, we're into the final, couple of questions I think now. Louise, Louise's question, Louise isn't here on the call tonight, but she says, her question for the week is she's identified. Some limiting beliefs that I have.

One of the main ones is rumination or getting stuck in a thought process. For example, she's currently looking at a new job role, but would also like to move house, so quite similar to Sophie. She's saying, I'm risk averse, so the idea of doing both together seems too much for me.

You mentioned previously about limiting beliefs, and I can see them happening here. I look at houses and then think, oh, I don't know which area to be based in with a new role, or I don't know how much we can afford. And so then she stops looking.

So she's saying how can I address the limiting belief of, you know, where I'm finding a negative and then almost using it to block progression. So what I would say is, Louise, hopefully you picked up some helpful stuff from the chat that I was having with Sophie around job change or, or how to move first. So I'm not gonna go over that again, but hopefully that's helped.

The thing, and also, I was having a read back through your form as well. You were talking a lot in your form about you were saying I am a fixed mindset. I want to work out how I can move more towards growth mindset.

So the first thing is just understanding what growth mindset is and really that concept of neuroplasticity. So growth mindset is available to all of us as in. So fixed mindset where we just where we are, we believe that we are kind of who we are and that's stuck, we're sort of fixed within a certain, you know, a little bit of bigger room, but not really very much.

And so it becomes hard to stretch or change outside what you think is possible for you, what you can do. Whereas the growth mindset says, well, where I am just now, that's just the start point and with dedication, focus and practise, I can upskill or change myself in any area. And that includes mindset stuff as well.

And we know that growth mindset is a truth, so it's not something that some people have and some people don't have. It's something that some people are choose to either put themselves and sometimes people have been brought up in such a way that they just are inherently growth mindset, and that's fantastic. Most of the time you're not either or anyway, you'll be fixed mindset in some things and probably quite growth mindset in others.

So first of all, this is about taking the labels off yourself, Louise. So when I was reading your form, when I was reading your question, I'm hearing a lot of black and white labels, so I am risk averse. I am a fixed mindset, I am a perfectionist.

So. Those are those, so when, when we give ourselves any form of label, and I used to, I used to do the same around creativity, I still have to catch myself down. I used to say I'm not creative.

We label ourselves and that, that is sort of like a fixed mindset thing. So sometimes it's just about, if you want to, this isn't about saying you have to change who you are. It's not about denying who you feel you are.

Inside it, it's not, it's not about me suddenly saying, well, you're not really risk averse, are you at all? It's not that. But what it is doing, it's about trying to get away from black and white labelling, particularly if it's an area that you would like to stretch into a little bit or grow or shift your your mindset on.

So, because things, when you say a definitive black and white thing or a belief, you the way belief, the the the the filtering system in our brain works is your brain really wants to come into alignment with that and it will do everything it can in its power to make you right. And it will only present you with information and data that fits that statement you've just said. And any other data that contravenes that just won't get through your filtering process.

So we're gonna talk about this in depth, so I'm not gonna cover this now. So, but one thing you can do from a neurolinguistic programming thing is just separate yourself from those behaviours. So, this could be about saying things like, I'm a recovering perfectionist.

If perfectionism is something that you would like to shift, you can start saying from now on. I used to be a perfectionist, I'm working on it. I'm a recovering perfectionist.

I'm stretching my tolerance levels for change whilst honouring my need for security. It's, it's, so that's not saying I'm not risk averse, but it's saying that I know that I need to, I might never feel comfortable with massive change, but can I stretch myself a little bit, a little bit like the tolerating discomfort conversations I've been having with Rosie and a few others tonight. So I'm stretching my tolerance levels for change.

It's recognising that you're just opening the door a little bit to being able to, because you can stretch and grow and change in any of those directions if you want to, and if you're willing to do the mindset work regularly. So rather than saying I'm a fixed mindset, you could say I'm working towards choosing growth mindset more frequently. So that's about catching yourself when you've noticed you've you've fallen into a fixed mindset and instead of just going, well I'm a fixed mindset person, there's nothing I can do about that.

That's a below the line way of thinking, it's about saying, well, OK, I've just caught myself in fixed mindset, or I can see last week I was really feeling fixed mindset. What could I choose? How can I put myself in a growth mindset and maybe review that situation or that scenario or that conversation?

What could I have said or done differently? What could I then say to myself about this event moving forward? So some of that might require a little a little bit of journaling, and things.

So, and also I think for you, when we, when we talk about on Tuesday night, that fear of making a wrong decision, which I touched on a little bit tonight. That can be really pokey and really powerful, so I'm gonna pick up on that more on Tuesday, so hopefully there'll be something in there. That helps.

So, I've just got the last couple of questions. These came in kind of 20 minutes before the the Q and A, so Julia and Rich. I won't have had time, I didn't have time to kind of go back and look through all of your forms to get sort of quite as many layers of of information for answering your questions, because they came in sort of just before.

So, I'll answer the best I can kind of off the cuff and if, if that doesn't answer your questions for you, then come back to me, and we'll see. So. For this then I need to come out of that.

I just need to go and find Julia's question. Which was about quite a specific topic if I remember Julia. How can you tell when you've recovered enough from burnout and how can, how can this affect the choices that you make?

OK, so let me just get rid of my slide. Julia, well done, everyone, for still being on the, on the call. I'm amazed at your, your, your capacity for, for staying on long calls in the evening.

I'm very impressed. So I can't see Julia on there, so she may not be on or have had to go. So with burnout.

Burnout is quite, it's obviously quite a, it's really, it's really tough, it's not pleasant to go through and it's, there's not a. Really, really quick fix for burnout you have to have the rest of recovery. Hopefully you've been getting yourself some, and I say, I will go and read your form after, you probably told me in it, but hopefully you have been getting some support or seeing someone or speaking to a therapist or finding ways of, of helping with that.

If you haven't, I would, I would recommend still doing that now, even if you're thinking that you're out the other side, just because it, it's really, really important part of prevention and recovery. So I am not, because I'm not a therapist or a counsellor, I, I obviously know about burnouts, I understand it in in that sense, but I, I'm not sort of . I guess qualified is the right word, in order to, I'm, I'm sort of cautious to give you very, very specific advice on that because it is such a specific condition.

What I would say is that the Vet Life website has got, on it's like, obviously you can talk to people about life, and if you haven't already done that, then that might be a really good, option. It's totally confidential, they're 24 hours, just be able to get, get, you know, have a chat to a vet life, counsellor just because they understand the specifics of the veterinary profession. To say to, you know, to ask them that question as well in terms of how do I know when I'm recovered enough.

also on there, if you look in their, on their website, on their sections about resources, can't remember if it's in the work one or the mental health one. Have a look, they, they've got a really good section on burnout, and compassion fatigue, and the difference between burnout and compassion fatigue. And there's quite a lot of information and resources on there, Julia, so I would, I would definitely go and check that out as well.

I think with burnout, it's, it's important to look at the Y. You know, why, what contributing factors were there to it happening? Can you pinpoint them?

Have you done any reflection around that? Is it really bloody obvious, or does it need a little bit of thinking about, you know, what, what were the, what were the trigger points for you that led up to it? Was it really bad leadership management?

Was it not prioritising self-care? And again, the resources on vet life about compassion, fatigue and burnout might help you to pinpoint for yourself. Is it that you've got, and again, I've noticed if I'd looked through your form, have you got dependent, people needing stuff from you as well as what you've been giving?

Within your job role as well. So what was the cause running up to, to, the burnout? Another really common cause of burnout is when, you know, a lot of the reason that people are on this course really, when your role or your career, your current role is not in alignment with your values, and it's a bloody difficult, challenging and emotionally laden role anyway, but it's not quite the right, not quite the right use of your skill set.

Then that's only ever going to be sustainable for a certain length of time until your wheels fall off. So it's, so part of the process of keeping the wheels back on once they've gone back on is, is, is looking back to see, you know, what was it, whether, could I be happy in that role if the circumstances and factors and maybe my mindset were a bit different, or actually. Is it the is it the nature of that role that's pushing my buttons in the wrong way?

And actually, I don't really feel like I want to go back and again, a little bit like I was say to Cheryl right at the beginning, if you don't immediately, if you suspect that, but you don't really know what your other options might be or what to do about that. That can feel a little bit scary, and we can just want to scuttle back to what we know, even if we know it's not right for us because there's a certain amount of certainty within that. So hopefully some of the things that I was saying to Cheryl, at the beginning might resonate there.

Part of it is, is there any assertiveness work that needs to be done? How good are you at setting effective boundaries? How good are you at saying no, how good are you at raising issues that are challenging for you and talking about them with people.

So, you know, there there's, there's, there's quite a lot to look at within there, Julia, and it may well be that actually speaking to someone who's who's a bit more qualified with the specifics of burnouts, just because it is horrible and I don't want you to go back there, might help as well. Hopefully there's a a couple of bits in there that helps. And then last but not least, Mr.

Daly, so. Richard is saying I'm struggling to weigh up the pros and cons of a new opportunity. Well, I think I've been able to look at the pros and cons, but the fear of unknown.

The fear of unknown is paralysing my decision making. How can I objectively and rationally work through this? So let me just have a think, Rich, mm mm mm mm mm.

So, Rich, are you, are you happy to chat? Yeah, there you go. So what, what is it about the fear of what's, what's the scary thing?

I think obviously it's always that, you know, that the devil, you know, and, you know, the situation you are in at the moment. And so you move into something different is, there's always that element of unknown and whether it'll work out. And so, you know, the situation at the moment, it's fine.

Now the other the opportunity could be brilliant or it might not work out, so you're thinking. Yeah, I suppose it's the element of the relationship with money and that aspect of it. But then there's the late then there's the aspect of, stability, you know, young family and all the rest of it, and what impact will that have going forward.

So it's just trying to, and I think that's the thing is, it seemed on paper that The new, the opportunity would address some of the issues that I identified in the initial survey, which is brilliant, and that's obviously all the pros, but then I think that the con is, what if it doesn't work out. Yeah, they're dealing with uncertainty. Yeah, it's that, it's that's.

Vulnerability in terms of when we can't predict, it's, it feels really bloody scary taking action when you can't predict the outcome fully, you can't control it, it just, there's, there's, you know, there's only so much again, it's, it's, again, it comes back into tolerating uncertainty, and that takes a certain amount of a few things really. It takes a certain amount of trust and faith in your own ability. And in the ability to, if that, if you tried it and found out that it didn't suit you or it didn't feel like quite the right opportunity, it would be having faith, trust in in your ability to generate more and further and and future opportunities.

So obviously I don't know the specifics of The financial risk, you know, the, the financial things involved. And I know that, you know, as a, as a working parent myself, I know that it's kind of, it, it's working out that what feels like the minimum and that what feels like an acceptable amount of risk. But also, and also it's, it ties in, I think, to the level of discomfort or unsurity that you have with your current situation.

So, so, So, you know, when, when, if you're in a situation that isn't the right thing for you, the, the danger zone is when it's not really that bad. When it, when it's sort of, you're a bit disillusioned, maybe, it doesn't feel great, but it doesn't feel awful either. That can be a little bit of a danger zone in terms of us staying there probably for a bit too long.

And or, or going, well, is it just, is it really ever going to be better anywhere else? Can I, am I just imagining that I can have more enjoyment or fulfilment, within that, and therefore, is it worth leaving the, the security? And that comes, I think, down to.

Really looking at, you know, if you've done that desirable conditions flip thing so that you can see what your your top. Ones are. If you can see how it, it's kind of like, our brain always goes, what if it fails?

What if it fails? A good question is to go, what if it bloody works? What does succeeds?

What if I ace it? What if I smash it? What if this abs, you know, if I go 100% all in and it's bloody brilliant, and then, you know, it's so part of it is shifting away from a scarcity mindset that if, what if I take this opportunity and it doesn't work, there won't be more opportunities for me.

With, you know, that's, that's a bit of a self-confidence, self-belief thing in terms of being able to talk about your strengths, being able to look at your CV, being able to feel like you have got something to offer. And I know that that's something that quite a few other people within the group are struggling with that sense of wondering if they're enough or looking at what they have to offer. So there's the confidence piece in there, and then choosing to have an abundance mindset whereby you, you, you believe in your ability to generate, Opportunity, sometimes it's just about strapping a set on and just fear and and just just experiencing it if, if the risk element of it doesn't feel irresponsible to your family, makes sense.

Yeah, and I think you, you sort of hit the nail on the head, probably about a minute before in what you were saying in that, you know, the situation, the current situation isn't terrible at all, you know, it's fine, but then there's always that, but. Oh, if I could just tweak it a little bit, and if you know a different move or a different opportunity, it does have that extra bit there. And it's where that actually does that actually exist.

And so, you know, it's just trying to weigh that up really, as you say, and then, but knowing that if you do make the decision to change it, change and take an opportunity, actually, If it doesn't work out, you can always create new ones going forward anyway, sort of thing. So I think that makes a lot of sense to me, what you were saying then. Good, yeah, definitely.

And always, you can, I've always moved on from jobs and roles as graciously as I possibly could with with good feeling, not left under a cloud and just left the door open. And it, I think it's quite easy to do that such that there's, there's no, obviously no, never any guarantee that your exact existing job's gonna be there or any job's gonna be there, but certainly the terms that you move away from something on can mean that you have options potentially or that you've not burned bridges or that, you know, you, you, you've got options for networking and stuff with, with previous employers. So, good.

See how, see how things go through the . Particularly kind of not it's not so much self worth, I guess it's gonna be the, fear, the fear of the worrying about the fear of change, fear of failing, the fear of all that bit, and see if that, if that adds as well. Thanks, Rich.

OK, well, having said that, I try and squish the time down to less than I've actually got 5 minutes more than than last time, so well done, everyone for for for staying on. I hope that you've got something useful either from your own question or from someone else's question. I'm gonna release you because it's 14,510.

I will send out some, am I sending anything out? We've got Tuesday. Oh yes, I'm gonna send you the first part of your bonus as well.

So we got the time management bonus. I'm gonna send you that. You don't have to have done it.

It's not a requisite of the course, so don't panic if there's not time to watch the time management video at the moment, but I want to start sort of filtering those bonuses out to you as well. And, you know, next week you'll get the exercises for the next, module, which is gonna be a 30 minute video and a short self-compassion test. So there's not too much in the way of, exercises for the next one.

So I will see you all again on 8 o'clock on Tuesday evening for those of you that can make it live. And just keep any questions coming via email or in the group, and I will see you all on Tuesday. Have a good rest of the evening.

Thanks guys.